An awkward moment at the team brief on the 12th. Your boss asks you to say something that will break the ice and, after a short pause, you blurt out "Fat Penguin".
On the 4th, you go to a car boot sale and, surprisingly, come back with 3 car boots.
On the 15th, you buy "Politically Correct Chess". In this version, neither white nor black go first. Rather, they have to move at the same time to avoid any complaints about prejudice.
On the 9th, you pull out of a junction in front of a Kit-Kat lorry. You are delighted when the driver slams on the brakes and gives you two fingers.
On the 26th, you are thrown out of the local vegetarian restaurant after asking if they have a "meat option".
Best not say too much, but you might invalidate your pet insurance trying to avoid it. Whatever "it" is!
Your sign is now in conjunction with Uranus. You don't know what this means but can't help sniggering.
Success in the raffle when you are told you have won a Mini Cooper. Sadly for you, it is not a car; just a midget who makes barrels.
You buy a CD with a backing track on it. When you get home, it turns out to just be a recording of a lorry reversing.
An embarrassing moment on the 2nd when you have no cash for the Dartford Bridge toll and they refuse to accept luncheon vouchers.
A proud day on the 24th when you complete a 5k run whilst shouting at ethnic minorities, in your first "Racism For Life".
On the 19th, you get punched when you walk into a Norwich bakery and ask if they are "In Bread".