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Mind boggling.

(24 posts) (12 voices)

Started 11 months ago by Thor
Latest reply from dvo4fun

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Thor

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THe following is culled from a Guardian dating website:
Who I'm looking for

Not looking for one night of forgetful bliss... but many nights of getting to know the world through one anothers eyes.

Can talk forever or enjoy the sexy silence. Intelligence. Raw sense of humour. Has a need for constant adventure. Masked Balls. Countryside weekends away in boutique hotels. Mid night film screenings at the IMAX. Exploring ruined castles to warm seas. Is looking for an amazing relationship to inwardly inspire greatness.

Now... masked balls. I know they’re not the most photogenic things in the world, but I’m not making mine wear a mask for anyone.

Posted 11 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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She sounds like a fucking nightmare. Talk about high maintenance, good luck getting her to agree to a fortnight at Butlins.

Posted 11 months ago #
shitsu_tonka

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How do you know it's a she?

Posted 11 months ago #
Al OPecia

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I particularly like "Masked Balls".

Is it Samantha Brick?

Posted 11 months ago #
Thor

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The profile picture is of a she, but I guess the text is ambivalent. She goes on to mention Narnia in her spiel; disturbing in a 34 year old.

“...to Realise the inner fairytale
likes to win with humility & inspire the Mystery
knows that love is about giving & laughing at the hard Work of it all
teasing the Fantasy into the ordinary
Craves crazy walks & nights in the open air to spending duvet days watching film over a Banquet of food
I'm in this for Keeps not the endless text games of battle]

My ideal next few turns of the globe....to meet someone who can love again, with all their heart without the fragmented history that dulls our new wakings. Who wants to travel Narnian style/build treehouses & play philosophical Pooh sticks till twilight falls... Then have a minimalist flat in the heart of London & if lucky a home submerged in green to get the best balance man can dream of"

I wonder if she’s related to that ‘back up your brain’ lass.

Posted 11 months ago #
shitsu_tonka

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Narnia? What does she want to do, get nasty with Mr Tumnus?

Posted 11 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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You can tell it's a 'she' from the subtle clues. A man would say 'I'm not that bald or fat, and I don't drink all the time.' And it's over three sentences long, for christ's sake.

Also: 'can talk forever...'

Posted 11 months ago #
shitsu_tonka

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I honestly thought that it was a bloke pretending to be sensitive in the hope that it would lead to blow jobs.

Posted 11 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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Does that work? It sounds like a high price to pay.

Posted 11 months ago #
shitsu_tonka

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It would work on me as long as he also drunk a lot of pineapple juice.

Posted 11 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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So the perfect ad would be: "I am sensitive, empathetic and quite fond of kitttens. Also, I have drunk a lot of pineapple juice."

Posted 11 months ago #
dvo4fun

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Hold on I'll see if the juicer is working; I'm sure we've got a pineapple in the fridge

Does go on a bit don't it? I'm thinking if anybody got to the end of the ad then they'd be pretty much ideal fodder. Or a Biscuiteer looking for an angle.

Posted 11 months ago #
Thor

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"Does that work? It sounds like a high price to pay...”

I did quite nicely by pretending to be sympathetic to feminism, back in the day.

Posted 11 months ago #
ianslat

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It's just been cut and pasted from one of Jeremy hunt's emails to James Murdoch hasn't it?

Posted 11 months ago #
Scronnyglonkle

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It was all a pack of lies, I replied to it, she was 28 stone had ten kids and Narnia turned out to Wigan!

Actually not all lies, she wouldnt shut up.

Posted 11 months ago #
medici2471

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Had to google the pineapple point Shitsu, interesting...

just off to Tesco

Posted 11 months ago #
beau-jolly

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Back in the days of MySpace I wrote a very mysogonistic blog about what Internet daters are really saying.
It was a long time ago!

If you can't be arsed to read it all this is a snippet:

"45, fit and athletic, have travelled all over the world to lots of exotic places and had amazing experiences..." = Shit, I'm 50 and still acting like a teenager. I can't go on like this for ever, I had better find some one who can provide some security for my later years while I still have some of my looks left.

Amazingly I got hit on by quite a few women. Even more amazingly two became "special friends". Polyana (at the end of the comments) was not one of them!

Posted 11 months ago #
Gerontius

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'Not looking for one night of forgetful bliss'....no, but I bet he soon will be. She couldn't cram the introduction into one night.
....'but if I can't find the man of my dreams a quick shag wouldn't go amiss'
And for anyone who is wondering what Thor was doing reading the Guardian dating website online then....'shame on you'
Wash your mouth out right now.
Wayland's right...it can't be a bloke.
This is a bloke
'bald, fat, likes a drink...could do with blow job...sorry if I went on too long'

Posted 11 months ago #
Thor

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I was reading it out of idle curiosity. Honest.

Posted 11 months ago #
Quaz

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"Then have a minimalist flat in the heart of London & if lucky a home submerged in green", reads as "I'd like a rich bloke with a London pad so we can do city city stuff and see shows, but also a place in the country where I can pretend to be in Narnia, but preferably somewhere in the Cotswalds."

Posted 11 months ago #
Ironduke

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Can I get a brolly in my Penis Colada?

Posted 10 months ago #
beau-jolly

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I knew I'd seen it somewhere
At the risk of forming a mobeus strip I thought I'd link them up. Ta Thor etc.

During my research (see above) I noticed a local lass who looked OK if you didn't know she was a mother of two accidental kids and a profoundly deaf heroin addict and part-time prostitute. Other than that she's a catch!

Posted 10 months ago #
Ironduke

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I bet she knows some interesting sign language.

Posted 10 months ago #
dvo4fun

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@ b-j "...she was a mother of two accidental kids and a profoundly deaf heroin addict..."
Maybe she didn't hear when punters said 'Shall I wear a condom?"

Posted 10 months ago #

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