Olympic Security Chief Sir Peter Anderson admitted today he’s dying to blow some ‘Johnny Muzzo chaps’ to kingdom come during the Games.
Confident security at the Games was ‘tighter than a nun’s vadge’ he issued a challenge to Al Qaida enquiring of them if they ‘felt lucky.’ He followed up this statement with ‘well do ya?’
‘It’d be a shame not to use any of the shit we got.’ said Sir Peter. ‘We’re tooled up big-time so the team now are just fingers crossed, hoping for a stray 747 or two. Anything more than 10 feet off its flight-path will be getting a Stratford Special right up the jacksie.’
‘We’re hoping Al Qaida show up and make an honest attempt at mass murder. It’d be a shame if they were put off by the traffic congestion and high prices during the games. We’d like them to get into the spirit of things by giving it a crack.’
‘What really wets my pants though is the thought of hordes of ‘em, blocking out the sun, a mass strike, an all out assault by Johnny Al Qaida, fifth columnists rising up from Tower Hamlets, special terrorist spaceships attacking from space…’
The press conference ended at this point as Sir Peter was dragged away by aides.