For some time, critics have slated the British police force's pepper spray, Charles Campion describing it as "unimaginative and brusque, sacrificing tone and texture for sheer volume of heat. With a recipe this blunt, they may as well just use a nightstick" after he was arrested during his latest attempt to assassinate Robert Irvine.
As part of a larger effort to rehabilitate their image, the police force has called in Anjum Anand to help them create a new range of pepper sprays which will allow them to halt offenders in a more tasteful way.
Some ideas on the table include a nice vindaloo blend to calm down rioting football fans while a vegetarian sensitive aloo gobi could be deployed at student protests. A specially trained officer with poppadoms and refrigerated toilet paper will be standing by to mop up afterwards.