The Department of Transport has announced it will soon be forced to re-route the M42 away from the Cotswold area as a gigantic ego system found just outside Chipping Norton continues to grow at an alarming rate.
The ego, belonging to local resident Jeremy Clarkson started out as an environmentally friendly manageable system which in the early stages of its development had attracted favourable reviews from critics and amassed an army of enthusiastic devotees.
But over time the giant ego has expanded exponentially and is now wildly out of control, consuming everything in its path and virtually doubling in size every few hours.
Experts fear that if the ego goes unchecked for very much longer there is every likelihood that flights in and out of Birmingham International Airport will be affected with the long term possibility of runway closures and job losses.
National Rail have confirmed that track laying to re-route the London to Manchester rail network through East Riding is well underway and on schedule to open in time for the Hull and Humberside 2012 Olympic Games.
Plans to stage the Games in London were cancelled after Clarkson complained that a wind assisted javelin throw posed a 'serious threat to my dogs, and had the potential to leave pock marks all over my lawn. Added to that, I haven't had the bloody windows tinted on my Lamborghini Murcielago LP640 just for some some Bulgarian dyke to heave a frisbee through the windscreen'
Clarkson was earlier traced to his holiday home, the Isle of Man and asked to comment on accusations that his complaint was made purely out of self interest.
'Bollocks, an English man's home is his castle, or in my case several castles, a stately home and a pad overlooking Hyde Park. I've even had to have all the other residents deported to the Falklands just so I can get some peace and quiet on this bloody island. It's just me and the wife here now'. snorted Clarkson as he sped off across the fields in his 4X4 Ford GT Uber Colossosus 'now get the fuck off my land or I'll set the Dobermans on you.'