Less than 24 hours into the reign of David Cameron experts are claiming Broken Britain is fixed.
Reports coming in suggest that Britains deficit has been reduced to approximatly 10% of yesterdays figure while throughout the City of London banks and building societies are being properly regulated, and their highest paid workers are donating vast percentages of their bonuses to underprivileged families.
Meanwhile across the country millions of teenagers are ditching their tracksuits and hoodies to walk smartly and attentively to school to be taught be intellegent and enthusiastic teachers, while NHS nurses are celebrating a cut in working hours and a rise in funding.
Britain's climate is also responding favourably to the news, latest reports from the met office suggest a significant cooling of the atmosphere 'to offset all the Carbon emitted during 13 years of Labour rule.'
One expert, speaking outside his London home said 'This is all very good, although we are unsure what is really happening, we did have rather a lot of gin last night, what year is it again, 1984?'