Downing Street staff have commented on a 'drastic change' in the demeanour of newly-appointed Prime Minister, David Cameron, after he entered his official ministerial residence last night.
Mr Cameron gave a statement to waiting press outside the famous black door before crossing the threshold as Prime Minister for the first time. 'For all the years I've worked there, I never noticed the coloured up-lighters in the hall floor before,' said one usher, wishing to remain anonymous. 'His face was flooded with red light from below, smoke surrounded him, his mouth stretched into a huge toothy grin and, rubbing his hands together, he threw his head back and laughed the most blood-curdling laugh imaginable. Then, moments later, everything was back to normal and he led Samantha upstairs to their third-floor accommodation.'
For several weeks now, staff working at the Conservative's campaign headquarters in Westminster have noticed 'odd changes' in Mr Cameron. 'He's been wearing his hair in a more bouffant style than usual, sometimes sporting a hat indoors. It's as-if he's been trying to hide something growing on his head. Plus there has been a definite twitching bulge in his trousers -- at the back mind you! Some of the staff think he's growing a bloody tail!'
Reports of Mr Cameron's duality coincide with comments from former Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik that Nick Clegg has been acting 'really impishly' for the last few days. 'He's been hopping around from foot to foot, clapping his hands frantically, then nipping up to perch on David's shoulder for a bit before scurrying excitedly around his feet,' said Mr Opik. 'It's starting to become really annoying. It feels like he's rubbing the loss of my seat in my face a bit to be honest -- I think it's really cheeky of him.'
Former Downing Street employees recall a similar experience some 31 years earlier when Baroness Thatcher took the UK premiership. 'Ooohh, she was right evil once the door closed and it looks like it's happening again with that Cameron chap,' explained Ethel Myrmidon, former cleaner at Number 10. 'She was no woman -- she always threw off that awful blonde fright-wig to reveal her jet-black fright-wig-with-horns underneath and would often laugh in an uncontrollable way for a few minutes before strutting away on her cloven hooves. It took years to clean up the shitty nuggets she left everywhere.'