A 43yr old Swindon man who carried the Olympic Flame through his home town has been advertised for sale on-line. Malcolm Walton, who is a VAT accountant by trade, was delighted to have been selected to parade the Torch past his friends and family. However, his joy turned to shock the next day when he saw he had been listed on the internet auction site with a starting price of 50p.
"I know that me and the wife haven't been doing too well for a while", admitted Malcolm, "but I didn't believe it would come to this. Suzie has been trying to get me out of the house a bit more recently and encouraged me to join the local ramblers club even though she knows I have an appalling sense of direction. She used to comment that one day I might never come home. I thought she was just pulling my leg."
The E-Bay listing leaves no-one under any doubts about his wife's feelings towards him. It states:-
One careful owner who should have listened to her mother.
Has a few problems with the starter motor, especially when undertaking decorating.
Comes with large sugar wrapper collection, scale model of Canterbury Cathedral made from matchsticks and complete Brotherhood of Mann back catalogue on vinyl.
Free P&P. Has copious amounts of own padding. Will happily deliver for free to anywhere.
"I even tried to help her by pointing out that she could claim back the time it took to put the listing up as a legitimate business expense and offset it against her income. She just scrubbed even harder on the frying pan she was cleaning and muttered something about the best years of her life."
The auction lot has already had one bidder, username DCameron2012. Suzie said "He has asked if I would consider a buy-it-now offer of £10. He said the fact that my soon to be ex-husband serves no useful purpose and never uses his own initiative will make him an ideal replacement for Nick Clegg."