Clacton voters confused by various versions of the Binface party
As widely reported, nearly everyone in Clacton is planning to vote Binface. However they are confused by the proliferation of bins, and on what day of the week they can turn out and vote for them. Do they vote for the People's Democratic Binface party (strange how left-wing, Marxist / Maoist / Trotskyist, or any other authoritarian party always calls itself 'democratic') or the Popular Binface Front (equally strange, how right-wing fascist / populist parties always call them
Larry the Cat replaced by Albert the Whippet
The No.10 cat is refusing to relocate to the new Government offices in the North, complaining that the seagulls are the size of small horses and had union representation. By contrast, Albert’s natural ability to vibrate with excitement at 300mph will be the only excitement generated by Andy Burnham. A spokeswoman confirmed, ‘Whippets don’t climb curtains, chandeliers, or visiting dignitaries; while Larry considered all three fair game. Whippets are low maintenance and won’t d
Sadiq Khan to introduce negative speed limits
In conjunction with physicists at London University, Mayor Sadiq Khan plans to introduce negative speed limits on London’s roads. ”We’ve done everything we can to screw money out of motorists,” said a spokesman for the diminutive extortionist. “We’ve made speed limits so low you’re almost certain to get fined if you drive anywhere, especially as we’re careful not to signpost the 20mph limits if we can help it. ”However, I know the boss is frustrated by all the people who have
Trump to bomb Oman, but in a good way
The whole Strait of Hormuz thing is a massive, horrible mess, and it makes Donald Trump look like a LOSER. Which is pretty much the worst thing that could possibly happen, and threatens his re-election for a glorious third term.
New Chancellor announces plan to tax mud
John Healey's first announcement as Chancellor is that he is introducing a tax on mud: 'I have long been concerned by the inequality of mud throughout the UK, the wealthy have a lot of it and those in the margins of society have very little.'
Farage denies doing wrong is wrongdoing
Nigel Farage has claimed his incredible complicated financial affairs are entirely transparent and above board 'assuming that the board is one of those making up the very bottom of the barrel.'
Trump signs 'genius' nuclear armageddon deal with Saudi Arabia
Hot upon the heels of turning the entire Middle East into a war zone by attacking Iran at Israel's behest, Donald Trump has agreed to give Saudi Arabia all the equipment it needs to refine material for an atomic bomb.
Electricians reject Burnham's 'circuit breaker' idea
Electricians have poured cold water - never a good idea when electricity is involved - on the new Prime Minister's call for a 'circuit breaker' for the entire country. 'It's just not practical,' said Des from Bromley.
First his wife, now Andy Burnham’s female neighbours to be criticised for their dress sense
Andy Burnham's neighbours in Warrington are receiving fashion guidance to ensure that anybody in close proximity to the new PM meets the approval of online harridans.
The Art of the Deal - Volume 2
Ace deal maker and definitely not a loser Donald Trump is working to fix the Iran War. 'It's just about making a deal,' said the President in a rare moment of lucidity on waking from his late afternoon nap.
