Queen: So you're - ?
Aide (WHISPERS): The new Prime Minister.
Queen: Is he?
Aide (WHISPERS): Yes, Ma'am.
Queen: He's awfully pink. (LOUDLY) Wear a hat, young man, and avoid direct sunlight.
Cameron: Yes, Ma'am.
Queen: One bought ones wallpaper from your grandfather's shop. Excellent quality.
Cameron: With the greatest respect, Ma'am, I believe you're referring to George.
Queen: George?
Cameron: Osborne. He's the new Chancellor.
Queen: Chancellor?
Aide (WHISPERS): The Country's banker.
Queen: I hope he's washed his hands. So you can't give one a good deal on Lincrusta? The morning room is looking a little tired.
Cameron: I'll see what I can do, Ma'am.
Queen: Well, Mr. Clegg, one is awfully pleased that you're the Prime Minister. One wasn't terribly keen on that Cameron chap.
Aide (WHISPERS): Ma'am -
Queen: His mouth's far too small. Shifty eyes.
Aide (SLIGHTLY LOUDER): Ma'am -
Queen: And his wife's in Trade, you know.
Aide (SHOUTS): Ma'am!
Queen: Will you please stop interrupting - Mr. Clegg, one would be most pleased if you could sort out the fox-hunting. Philip's been dreadfully restless since that silly Mr. Blair banned it.
Cameron: I'll add it to the list, Ma'am.
Queen (MUSING): When one heard there was a Hung Parliament, ones heart leapt.
Cameron: It did, Ma'am?
Queen: For one glorious moment one thought horrid Dennis Skinner had finally been suspended. Literally.
Aide: Ma'am -
Queen: The man's a menace. Each time one opens Parliament, he's chancing his arm as a comedian - you're not funny, are you Mr. Clegg?
Cameron: Frankly, I'm Dav-
Queen: Yes, well first name terms will suffice, Frankly, but you'll still need to call one Your Royal Highness.
Aide (WHISPERS): Eastenders in five minutes.
Queen: Off you trot, Mr. Clegg, and try not to break anything.
Roll credits
