Penny-pinching booze-loving Scots have been backed into a corner by new price rises on alcohol.
Faced with price rises on the full spectrum of Scottish jolly water, tight-fisted booze-sozzled Jocks have an agonising decision to make – cough up or sober up.
With both options equally unthinkable to die-hard Scottish traditionalists, the kilt-clad grog-guzzlers attempted to march on Parliament before deciding they ‘couldnae be fucked.’
Equally perplexing for the juiced up jocks was the realisation that this was not the work of “English bastards!!!!”
On finding out it was a native Scot that had instigated the price rises infuriated pissed up haggis munchers threatened to kill the Minister responsible before quickly softening, descending into maudlin tears and declaring they all loved him ‘like a brother.’