The much awaited release of the new Emmerdale Farm novel has been delayed a further 3 months as author Lance Parkin searches for a way to describe a poultry decapitation incident in the climatic final scene.
“It’s like a thick fog has enveloped my brain” said Mr Parkin in explaining his writers block. “I wrote most of the first 298 pages like I was on fire, but the last two pages have been like treading water.”
Consultants hired by publisher Random House have so far suggested “the chicken ran round with its head cut off like Didier Drogba when he scores a goal” and “the chicken ran round with its head cut off like a small child who has eaten his bodyweight in sugar” but neither has met with the approval of Mr Parkin.
The long wait to finalise the novel has left the publishers increasingly frustrated: “we had a similar delay with an earlier scene where the farm workers hung around for nine hours admiring a recently renovated barn” said a spokesman. "It's like watching paint dry".