'I never realised I represented such a shit-hole' confessed tri-billionaire Vince Kompany as his team made their triumphant progression around the hovels and cellar dwellings of central Manchester yesterday.
Some other bloke with a strange name and 36 digit bank balance was equally appalled: 'This, this is Manchester?' he asked as the ragged urchins of Deansgate clung to the side of the sky blue bus and begged for a few scraps.
'Holy Jesus' said tight-throated ex want-away Carlos Tevez as he gratefully accepted the equivalent of a fans weekly wage for an autograph, 'something should be done'.
Roberto Mancini, the Italian supremo of the club confessed to not knowing exactly where Manchester city centre was but was looking forward to seeing the central plaza and lively street cafes that he had been assured were a major part of cosmopolitan Manchester.
'We lives in Chesire, innit' commented Balotelli, 'it's real street sure 'nuff'.