After Man City’s last minute title win in controversial and completely unnecessary extra time, Man United fans everywhere have been struck down with Acute Not Being a Man United Fan Syndrome.
Hospitals all over the country have been inundated with disgruntled fans suffering from spit teeth, internal haemorrhaging of the forehead, crying-related dehydration, severe vomiting, broken fists, and a crippling feeling of despair, loss, emptiness and total injustice.
Although Hospitals actually in Manchester remain void of Man United fans, the local mortuary is at breaking point with Man City fans who died laughing.
Dave Bailey, a Man United fan from Romford, said “Decisions went against us, what’s up with that? I’ve been supporting the boys all my life for three years and this has never happened before, I don’t understand” He then cried, adding “It’s so unfair”, before collapsing in a heap.
Roy Davis, a Man United fan from Aldershot, said “the ref showed a card to one of our players, one of OUR players! Isn’t that against the FA rules?”, he added, “My mum’s colleague’s best mate’s brother’s half-cousin twice-removed is from Manchester”.