Pudsey and your woman’s win in Saturday Night’s Britain’s Got Talent Live Final is proof than dogs are better than humans, was the verdict of animal lovers everywhere.
Peta member Sharon Lewis began throwing red paint over my mock leather show while arguing, “Did you see it walking on its back legs? Amazing. What a tremendous victory. A few years ago that kind of stuff was seen as one step above bestiality, not that there is even wrong with that, and now the dog will be standing upright with his bollocks swinging right in the Queen’s face. I just hope the Queen doesn’t try to mimic the dog. I don’t think she could walk that far on her hind legs. Bless,” she finished as I made a hasty retreat after she smelled sausage on my breath.
The other finalists were said to be distraught that they were bested by an animal with a brain two times smaller than their own. “What fuck was that shit? The public are a bunch of stupid cunts!” said adorable little Molly Rainford as she finger painted herself sawing a dog’s head off with a rusty chainsaw.
Ryan O’Shaughnessy, who has fought of accusations about being an Irish Republican mole tasked with infiltrating the Royal Varity Show, claimed indifference. “It doesn’t really matter now,” he screamed while being thrown into the back of an unmarked white van by five men in balaclavas.
“Britain’s Got Talent has done a lot for me. Before this every just called me the ugly, fat guy,” replied Jonathan [you know, the ugly fat guy] when asked about the result. ”Everyone has made feel like a real person, worthy of life; made me realise that I could beat the people who picked on me at school. Then they voted for dog over me,” he continued, “It’s like being bullied by the entire nation.’
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Dogs Officially Better Than Humans Says Public
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