It’s a nightmare scenario – to be violently robbed and murdered and then have the tabloids scream: “Socialite killed for 85p and a TV Guide.”
Image consultant Jane Smith says such luridly impecunious headlines are not the only concern for social climbers murdered for less than £5: “You might get close friends and some family at the funeral – but the floating mourner will spurn the affair for fear of cheap pasties and bad wine at the after-match. It will be social death.”
Appearance is, as ever, also crucial says Ms Smith: “CTV is ever present - imagine the embarrassment of being caught on film lying in a pool of blood while wearing last season’s outfit – the one you said you wouldn’t be seen dead wearing. If a would-be robber then spurns your Rolex because it is fake, and can’t remove your rings because you ate that extra helping of ice cream, your humiliation would be complete.”
The finality of a badly managed mugging death means there is no chance of redemption - “you can’t adopt an African orphan when you are dead” clarified Ms Smith.
Ms Smith advises the socially ambitious to learn from past mistakes, and use the following common-sense checklist:
• Always carry at least £1,500;
• Make sure all watches are genuine;
• Jewellery must be expensive, visible, and easy to remove;
• Wear the latest fashion so you stand out in the crowd; and
• If you are over 30, consider only going out at night as the CTV images will be more blurry, and won’t pick up embarrassing skin imperfections.
Ms Smith fondly remembers an ex-client who was fortunate enough to have an appointment with her just hours before being robbed and murdered at midnight: “She had £3,500 cash in a Gucci handbag (£1,500), while wearing a Minx coat (£21,000), designer watch (£19,000), and diamond jewellery (£87,000) - but the satisfied expression she had as her life ebbed away - just priceless.”