Global terror organisation, Al Qaeda, has been issued with an official cease and desist order by the International Health and Safety Executive.
The action follows a number of high profile cases brought against the organisation by former employees, many of whom have been left maimed, brain damaged and in some cases completely liquified by preventable accidents in the workplace.
In a statement last night, the man behind the action, Norris Burridge of the IHSE detailed the reasoning behind the decision.
"We never like to stop the daily operations of any criminal entity without very good cause. In the case of Al Qaeda however, there was a mounting body of evidence pointing towards an institutionalised carelessness towards the health and wellbeing of employees in the carrying out of their terrorist activities.
Simple things like ensuring staff wear protective goggles while handling home made plastic explosives, or distributing ear defenders with AK-47s would go a long way towards reducing the incidents of long term hearing problems or damage to the eyes caused by small pieces of high velocity shrapnel. It's basic common sense stuff".
In his report, Mr Burridge went on to catalogue many other cases of negligence including driving a car bomb without a seatbelt, digging holes for IEDs without adequate protective footwear and mounting night time kidnapping raids without wearing the requisite high visibility clothing.
Former IRA member Kieran Burke, remembers a time when random terrorism was a much more dangerous pastime for all involved. "Things were much more laissez-faire back in the 70's. We had all sorts of industrial injuries putting fellas out of work. My pal Mick O'Keefe caught an infection from a paper cut off a packet of semtex, he was out of action for 4 months. Wouldn't have happened if we'd been issued with gloves. Then there was old Dermot Collins. He'd a bad back for years after lifting heavy bags of fertilizer into transit vans without any form of lumbar support".
Current Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, admits certain problems with the supply of safety gear to the organisation's operatives. In a statement this afternoon he said:
"We recognise the issue and are determined to beat this problem. We feel that the former leadership were mostly to blame for such embarrassing incidents as the missing chapter on landing from our airline pilots correspondence course back in 2001. I mean, if Osama had installed one of those handy little security spy holes in his front door, he may still be here today".
However in an ironic twist this afternoon, the IHSE has announced the sad death of the report's architect, Norris Burridge who was accidentally shot 18 times and beheaded while attempting to adjust the TV aerial on his roof without a safety harness.