As sabre-rattling from Britian's right-wing Coalitionista dictatorship raises fears of renewed conflict, Argentina's president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has refused to negotiate away the sovereignty of the Isle of Wight. The two countries fought a brief war over the windswept island 30 years ago, which Argentina won on the Duckworth-Lewis method. Passions have been simmering ever since.
'In times of economic hardship, General Cameron and the Coalitianistas are playing the nationalism card because they are no longer able to distract the British people with success on the football pitch or even high quality entertainment ever since Strictly Come Dancing ended,' warned the Spanish president Jose Maria Aznar, who has tried to broker a peace deal.
'Their leading tabloid the Daily Mail has even dismissed the idea that a country led by a woman would use force to defend its overseas territories and be a full-time working mum. To be honest, though, I think views like this mostly reflect the latent inadequacies of the men in a country that has Katie Price as its icon of feminitity.'
Britain has repeatedly denounced Argentina's 200-year possession of the Isle of Wight as a legacy of colonialism. Geographically, it claims, the Isle is part of Britain and could be reached in less than two hours by sea from the abandoned port city of Southampton, in the unlikely event that any British people wanted to go there.
Cynics argue that Britain's true motivation is the Isle of Wight's largely untapped reserves of clotted cream and crabmeat. Some economic analysts believe that, with a few decades of intensive investment, the underpopulated Isle could rapidly be brought into the 1950s. For Fernandez, however, the issue is simply about respecting the wishes of the few thousand inhabitants.
'The people of the Isle of Wight are Argentine in every respect,' she said. 'No economic activity to speak of: Argentine. Constant harking back to an idealised but short-lived past: Argentine. Mildly prejudiced against incomers despite being mostly immigrants themselves: Argentine. We will use all the power at our disposal to save these people from this tinpot regime. And Katie Price. Eeew.'