The CIA announced mass lay-offs of agents whose job it was to snoop on everyday citizens minding their own business.
After undercover spook geek Mark Zuckerberg launched their Facebook program users have flocked to tell the CIA every single, minute, boring detail of their lives.
The CIA ‘likes’ this.
It ‘likes’ this a lot.
While Al Qaeda terror cells have frustratingly yet to post details of upcoming terror plots on each other’s walls, the CIA does now have an extremely comprehensive portrait of the American college party scene, which as yet does not seem to have been infiltrated by strict Islamic religious fundamentalists.
Among other valuable information they also know Brad from Ohio likes NASCAR and Girls Gone Wild, and that Becky of Des Moine, Idaho is ‘no longer in a relationship.’
However a senior CIA source added many officers have also left the Agency after reportedly being ‘bored shitless’ by the millions of inane comments and irrelevant status updates they were required to sift through.
‘I don’t give a flying fuck if Chad from Cedar Falls thinks The Hunger Games is totally sick’, said one officer, ‘although it could indicate support for anti-government resistance movements.’
However despite the success of Facebook the CIA warned citizens to remain vigilant as ‘international terrorism is definitely no LOL matter.’