The Mexican Government has formally ceded control of Mexico to the Zetas Drug Cartel in an elaborate surrender ceremony at leader Carlos Jimenez’s luxury Cancun mansion.
The Government fought bravely but in the end the Zetas superior fire-power, organisation, financial resources and vast army of drug-fuelled teenage hitmen proved too much.
Jubilant (and highly drug-fuelled) Zetas fighters rejoiced at the news.
‘We knew from Hollywood movies and gringo TV shows that Good usually triumphs over Evil but we never gave up hope of final victory,’ said one.
‘It’s great news for extremely violent, drug-money funded private armies everywhere and just goes to show what can be achieved when there’s no level of violent depravity you won’t stoop to,’ said another.
Defeated Mexican President Vincente Fox was forced to snort an 8 ball at the surrender ceremony while the senior Zetas leadership outlined plans for the future of Mexico unveiling a 5 year national ‘Pimp-ification’ plan.
Among the radical new proposals all civil court cases will be replaced by AK47 shootouts and all females aged 18 to 22 must complete 2 years of national prostitute service.