Bolton Wanderers midfielder and possible returned Messiah Fabrice Muamba today enhanced his Jesus credentials by feeding 5000 starving, emaciated Bolton supporters with frozen Hawaiian pizzas from Iceland that he paid for with his credit card.
After suffering a heart attack in front of 35,000 fans and effectively dying on the pitch Muamba has since risen from the dead suspiciously just around Easter time.
Millions now believe the Lord indeed works in incredibly mysterious ways in sending His Son back to Earth as a Premier League Football player for league battlers Bolton.
Doubters have questioned why the Lord would return as a journeyman player with a shit team.
‘If he was the Lord and Messiah how come he ain’t playing centre forward for Manchester United and scoring shiteloads of goals and all innit?’ questioned one beer-bellied moron.
Muamba himself denied divinity and said dying for 87 minutes was ‘shit’.
‘I didn’t enjoy dying at all,’ said Muamba. ‘It was well shit. I was playing well up until then and was pretty disappointed to hear later on that I’d died.’
He did concede however that coming back to life again was ‘good.’