A group of conservative Somali pirates have split from the mainstream complaining of a lack of recognition of long-established pirate conventions.
Spokesman Mohamed ‘Long John’ Sabbelah said his followers could no longer tolerate the younger generation’s flouting of pirate basics.
‘We’re no longer prepared to risk our lives on the ‘high seas’ without basic pirate conditions such as treasure chests, parrots, desert islands and parched maps with X’s on them.’
‘I mean for fucks sake we drive speedboats and have AK47’s! What sort of piracy is that? We’re gonna go old skool and pull up to the Supertankers in olde Spanish Galleons and take over the crews at cutlass point.’
‘All orders are to be preceded with “arrrrrrr” or they’re illegitimate. And we’re looking to bring back good old fashioned debauchery into the industry.’