Recent dry spells have left Britons with dry riverbeds and parched lawns, so what can we do to get through these tough times?
• Hose pipe bans – when the rain just won’t come, it’s time to stop watering your garden and washing your dogs. It is a well known fact that all British residents, especially those with classic cars, stick to the ban with a passion which instantly helps with water shortages.
• Panic – thankfully, Britain has an accurate source of weather information in the Daily Mail. The Mail will ensure that, by proclaiming that drought causes cancer, a widespread panic will refill empty reservoirs.
• Retain backup water stocks in jerry cans in your garage – if you are lucky enough to have a garage, now is the time to remove your car and fill the space up with tap water. Previous government advice on storing fluids in your home has shown that you will not need to worry about running out of water, and – when the rain finally comes – you can simply chuck what you don’t use down the drain.
• Go on holiday in Britain – any plans to visit the British coastline will trigger heavy rainfall.
• Avoid having a house fire – each time you are selfish enough to burn all your treasured possessions in a house fire, you inadvertently use a huge amount of water when the fire services attempt to restrict the blaze. Think twice before having an electrical fault.
• Declare a drought.