A man from Stevenage has been commissioned by God to build a new ark.
Stanley Moses, 48, says, "I was drying out my socks after a trip to the Co-op when God suddenly appeared before me. He told me I needed to start building an ark and taking animals in two by two as the rain isn't going to stop until 2016. I said I'm not very handy and I wouldn't know how to start building an ark, so he suggested I get down to Homebase, as their staff are very knowledgeable about wood and suchlike. He reminded me I'd need to weatherproof it too, perhaps with a product such as Ronseal."
At Prime Minister's Questions today, David Cameron dismissed God's latest move and vowed to continue with the hosepipe ban in the south of England. "Despite the incessant rain, and forecast of flooding for the next 4 years, it's imperative that the hosepipe ban continues," he stated. "We have a hosepipe ban every British summertime and I'm damned if I'll be the first British Prime Minister to backtrack on that."
London Zoo were unavailable for comment today on the story that a small percentage of animals have recently started disappearing.