Popular spiritual writer God shocked literary audiences around the world earlier this weak with a stream of scathing invective against his most enduring work, The Bible.
"A dark, angry being, whose actions are incoherent and terrifying, messes everything up until a nice handsome young chap with special powers flies down from the sky and sacrifices himself for the good of everyone else in a way that makes no sense but everyone feels all warm and fuzzy about. How is that different from a Hollywood blockbuster or chicken soup for the soul? Obviously I was being sarcastic, critiquing the lazy tropes of conventional narrative, but those simpletons in the mass market took it as confirmation of their own juvenile conception of how the world works."
God also finds his tendency to metaphor and ornate literary devices "hugely embarrassing in hindsight. I mean all that stuff about slavery and killing your own children was intended as a figurative way of expressing my message of eternal peace and love, but you know how it is when you're young, you can't do anything straight-forward, you have to try and impress everyone with your florid purple prose."
This is not the first time God has clashed with audiences and critics. God famously threatened to quit writing together after the very mixed reception given his widely misunderstood satire The Book Of Mormon. God attempted ghost writing a series of books with Neale Walsch, but quit over a dispute regarding royalties.