After years of practice, you finally master your new handshake. Just as the other person grips, you move so that they grab your finger instead, pull back and fart. This amuses you greatly.
On the 22nd, you embarrass yourself after a night out drinking with work colleagues. The incident involving an egg whisk, some super glue and the MD's brand new Mercedes means you get overlooked for promotion again.
Things could be worse, at least you're not a Pisces.
On the 14th, you are surprised to discover that the origin of the phrase "That Friday Feeling" comes from the novel Robinson Crusoe.
Saturn attempts to enter your fourth house. However, you hide behind the sofa until it goes away again.
The man who kept phoning you and heavy breathing finally stops. Wondering what you have done to upset him, you call back to see how he is.
On the 27th, Steve from the sales department takes your parking spot at the office. You are secretly delighted when, at the end of the day, he finds his company Mondeo covered in pigeon droppings.
Things could be worse, at least you’re not a Pisces.
On the 5th, you call the Tourettes helpline. Having got through to the answer phone, you are not sure which bleep to speak after.
After being inspired by the simplicity of "Eat Me" dates, you come up with a similar action based name for a brand of suppositories.
Bored of amending "TO LET" signs with an additional "I", you begin defacing posters for the new tour by "DIDO" by inserting an "L".
Things could be worse, at least you’re not…ah, sorry. Bad month for you.