Screwfix, the catalogue and online tool specialists are to market a new range of products under the Viagra brand.
Explaining the move, Screwfix CEO John Thomas said 'Tools of all shapes and sizes used for screwing represent our core business. The recent global softening of the market is creating anxiety and dissatisfaction. These days less of our customers and afford a new tool and this has seen an upsurge in the tool alternatives market where the hand held, battery powered replacements have proved to be popular. However even this is beginning to droop and we have decided we must firm up our offering.'
'Screwing, as our brand name implies is our most important market. Its a worldwide activity and we are facing stiffer and stiffer competition in the marketplace. We are determined hold our position and remain big in it.'
'We are launching a new range of tools under the new 'Viagra' brand that are guaranteed to perform well under all sorts of conditions and to outlast conventional tools.
The key features of the Viagra range are reliable start up, solid performance, increased range, durability and increased user and customer satisfaction.
Customers who have only used the old style tools will be very pleased with the ability of the Viagra brand tools to screw again and again without having to wait for a recharge. Any questions?'
'Can you explain the fluted rod attachment on the tools?' we asked.
Mr. Thomas replied 'We have conducted in-depth market research and this has identified that most of our customers like a bit on the side.'
The markets reacted quickly as Screwfix stock rose immediately. Meanwhile in the Far East currency observers watch anxiously for movement of the Dong.