There was widespread astonishment at the weekend when Catford woman, Brenda Norris, showed reporters her plastic Jesus figurine that looked uncannily like a slice of toast.
Daily Mail reporter, Jason Duggan, summed up the mood of the assembled throng: “Of course we all thought it would be bollocks, but after seeing the distinctive rectangular shape, brownish-black tinge, and grainy texture we all knew we had seen a miracle – the greatest thing since sliced, ah, well, bread.”
As news of the find spread, scores of atheists have congregated at Mrs Norris’ modest 3 bedroom bungalow. Brian Smith travelled from as far as Southampton to view the figurine: “I have always wavered between agnosticism and atheism, but now I have my answer – no Supreme Being would let his only Son be portrayed as a humble slice of toast.” Atheist Society President Chuck Jones was already planning to exploit the find with a new bus advertising campaign, slogan - “Slice of Toast not Holy Ghost.”
Catholic Church spokesman Brad Mycross rejected the significance of the find: “The atheists may have jumped to conclusions – it is just one rogue Jesus figurine. I haven’t checked yet, and don’t sue me if I’m wrong, but I’m sure that the incidence of Jesus figurines that look like food items is no higher than in the general figurine population.”
Even days later Mrs Norris was still in shock over her discovery: “It seemed to be a normal, everyday plastic Jesus figurine but my 6 year old boy standing on it, and my dog chewing it seemed to be the catalyst behind its otherwise inexplicable transformation into a slice of toast.”
As expected, the Jesus figurine has attracted furious bidding on eBay, with the current top bid being 100,000 bits of paper bearing a vague likeness to pound notes.