Further controversy has been averted with the news that Anton Ferdinand and John Terry fully agree with the Premier League’s decision to suspend the team handshake between QPR and Chelsea this Sunday.
Anton Ferdinand backed the move stating: “Legal reasons? More like hygienic reasons – you don’t know whose wife, girlfriend, or Alsatian the Neanderthal Terry has fingered in the previous day. I wouldn’t touch his hand even to take a million pounds that he probably got from one of his crack-head scheming relatives in the first place.”
John Terry also admired the Premier League’s elegant solution: “Even if I was hanging from a ledge, with a 1000 feet sheer drop below, I’d rather fall and smash every bone in my body (excepting those in my cock) than take the hand of that in-bred, self-pleasuring show pony with hair like Oprah Winfrey.”
The Premier League praised the player’s professionalism in supporting their decision, but was not prepared to comment on why the ball boys have been instructed to wear wet weather gear when Sunday’s forecast is for fine weather.