Finally fed up with all the criticism of the Government and the man she asked to form it the Queen issued a statement from Buckingham Palace late last night. The statement reads:
'We are not amused by all the criticism of the current government and we feel we are being blamed unfairly for all the shit that is flying about. We trusted the prime minister to keep us informed of any problems or dodgy behaviour requiring our attention. What with the Olympics, my Jubilee and Philip to contend with we cannot be expected to know every little balls up the Government is about to create. Mr Cameron has claimed that he keeps us up to speed through our scheduled meetings but we have no recollection of any such meetings or the things he says he has told us. Indeed, we have only met Mr. Cameron on a few State occasions.
We would like to apologise to all of our citizens, especially the innocent pasty eaters and grannies, for the way our nation is being governed. If the nation believes we could have done better then all we can say is that we are sorry.
We have concluded that whilst we do not always invite the perfect prime minister to form a government the recent abysmal performance of this nation is down to just one rogue prime minister, David Cameron.'