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Paralympics followed by Lardolympics for pale fat kids with a note from Mum
(23 posts) (13 voices)
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Sinnick
offlineMemberExcellent; might be even better without the Note from Mum, perhaps ?
I'd watch fat people running, but not for a full marathon, though. And the diving would be spectacular ... but not as good as the high jump.
There's plenty of gags here - go for a NiB or even FP !! If not, I'm sure a certain smithy would join you ...
Posted 1 year ago # -
cinquecento
offlineMemberhave to do some work today and not feeling particularly inspired, so feel free to hack this about
The success of the Paralympics, introduced to give a platform to the physically challenged minority, has launched an avalanche of equal opportunity schisms. First to skip away from the main Olympics were the gay athletes, who launched Limpolympics, albeit with no football, swiftly followed by the women’s Gynolympics (with female Paralympians forming the splinter group ‘Sheila’s Wheels’). The dwindling main event was further eroded by Allahlympics and all the remaining male non-Caucasian athletes departing for ActualMedallistlympics. When the working class athletes set up Laddolympics, we were left with a rump of middle class white males pottering round on ponies, playing golf and going for a bit of a swim. After a merger with Lardolympics ensured full inclusiveness for athletic non-achievers who have tested negative for the banned substance of 'salad', the main event is targetting reinvigoration via a sponsorship deal from a major steroid manufacturer, on the proviso of a name change to “What the fuck are you looking at, pencil neck? Lympics”
Posted 1 year ago # -
Sinnick
offlineMembercc, you've broadened this into different types of 'lympics, some using the usual stereotypes. Nothing wrong with sterotypes, but I'd have thought offending one-at-a-time would be nmore effective. I'd have thought there's plenty of mileage in expanding (hah!) the lard-arse concept.
Love the idea of "salad" as a banned substance
Fencing - bigger targets; high-jump world record set at 4.3 cm set by tripping over the bar; long-jump record not yet set as no-one has managed to leave the starting line; sumo wrestling unchanged; beach volleyball - I don't even want to visualise it; marathon leaves a trail of bodies; shooting event cancelled because no-one could get up again. New event of hill-rolling likely to be won by Scotland or Belgium
The editor might not want to publish just yet, as there's the recent post on doctors advice re lard-arses.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I agree with Sinnick, feel it would work better concentrating on the Lardolympics.
Controversy before the event even starts as one of the favourites for the gold medal in the 100m gentle stroll was banned after testing positive for salad.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Yikes
offlineMemberre beach volleyball ... maybe compulsary fully clothed ..
and equesterian ... have the lard boys carrying the horses
like the sumo line!
oh, and maybe have something near the end with a reversal having the athletes from the main Olympics buying tickets to watch the event, ie "Tickets sales are going very well with a number of athletes from the main Olympics staying on to watch the coach potatoes"
Posted 1 year ago # -
cinquecento
offlineMemberall true, I knew it was shite even as I wrote it. I don't want to go for pure fat jokes, more bathos around thoese kids who are last to get picked for the leftovers football team at school. will have a look later this afternoon, thinking asthma inhalers, sellotaped glasses, swimming with floats, and medals for everyone...
Posted 1 year ago # -
cinquecento
offlineMembergo on then, embellish this rework..
In a celebration of equal opportunity and saturated fats, the inaugural Lardolympics kicked off with an opening ceremony that saw 2000 wheezing young Fatletes lumber in procession through a drive-in burger bar in the Kentucky Millennium Stadium.
Head of Inclusivity Tony Warren commented “We are delighted to have give the opportunity to glow in public to young people who always find themselves last in the line to be picked. We had to overcome major logistical hurdles in bulk sourcing asthma inhalers and factor 50 sun cream. Sadly though, a number of promising Fatletes didn’t show up to their events. We later found they’d been stuffed in the changing room lockers by some Paralympians”.
Some teething problems were only to be expected. The pool hosting the Water Displacement event overflowed when the number of participants suffering from eczema caused major filter clogging. This caused a knock on delay to the One Width With Polystyrene Float prelims. The Armchair Football final was also abandoned as the Egyptianl team had gone home with hunger cramps and taken the TV remote with him.
Controversy before the event even starts as one of the favourites for the gold medal in the 100m Gentle Stroll was banned after testing positive for salad. Opinions are still divided as to whether another competitor discovered in vest, underpants and plimsolls because he’d left his kit at home should have penalised for wearing unauthorised technical clothing.
The endurance events proved most popular, with the marathon winner consuming 26 Snickers bars in a personal best time of 18’50.
In the closing ceremony all the competitors will be given chocolate gold medals and lashings of ginger beer. Or in the case of the Saudi team, just lashings.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Sinnick
offlineMemberI thought I'd better bump this, what with the Olympics starting soon. There's a lot of good material here - wouldn't want it to disappear without trace
Might need collating into a Left Alert, or working into a top FP
Maybe the Editor's already got plans .. ?
Posted 10 months ago # -
cinquecento
offlineMemberHad actually forgotten about this but have just tidied up some typos below:
In a celebration of equal opportunity and saturated fats, the inaugural Lardolympics kicked off with an opening ceremony that saw 2000 wheezing young Fatletes lumber in procession through a drive-in burger bar in the Kentucky Millennium Stadium.
Head of Inclusivity Tony Warren commented “We are delighted to have given the opportunity to glow in public to young people who always find themselves last in the line to be picked. We had to overcome major logistical hurdles in bulk sourcing asthma inhalers and factor 50 sun cream. Sadly though, a number of promising Fatletes didn’t show up to their events. We later found they’d been stuffed in the changing room lockers by some Paralympians”.
Some teething problems were only to be expected. The pool hosting the Water Displacement event overflowed when the number of participants suffering from eczema caused major filter clogging. This caused a knock on delay to the One Width With Polystyrene Float prelims. The Armchair Football final was also abandoned as the Egyptian team had gone home with hunger cramps and taken the TV remote with him.
Controversy started before the event as one of the favourites for the gold medal in the 100m Gentle Stroll was banned after testing positive for salad. Opinions are still divided as to whether another competitor discovered in vest, underpants and plimsolls because he’d left his kit at home should have penalised for wearing unauthorised technical clothing. There was major outcry at the Beach Volleyball, with the predominantly forty-something male spectators urging the Fatletes to put more clothes on.
The endurance events proved most popular, with the Marathon winner consuming 26 Snickers bars in a personal best time of 18’50".
In the closing ceremony all the competitors will be given chocolate gold medals and lashings of ginger beer. Or in the case of the Saudi team, just lashings.
Posted 10 months ago #
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