Her Majesty the Queen has re-opened South London Acid house club, Shoom, after a lengthy restoration project was finally completed earlier this morning.
Danny Rampling originally opened the club in 1988, after an ecstacy-fuelled trip to Ibiza with friend and fellow DJ, Paul Oakenfold. “It truly is wonderful to have the old place back”, said the Queen, “one is most pleased”.
Speaking at a press conference after the opening ceremony, her majesty recalled her experiences during the club’s hayday, “Last time one was here, princess Margaret and I waltzed to a shed load of hardcore, Chicago ditties being layed down by Brandon Block, he was an awfully affable chap and invited us back to his flat afterwards”, she continued “Dear Margaret ended up in his recording studio, snorting yay off the top of a Roland MC-303 with Mark Archer from Altern-8. One ended up in dear Brandon’s bedroom with one of the dancers, lovely girl, Sheena her name was, very exotic. To the best of one’s knowledge we all ended up spending six hours lying on the bed, mashed on doves”.