99% of referees do indeed ‘polish the whistle’, according to a new study released by the Kinsey Institute into the accuracy of football fan theories of sexuality.
Kinsey Institute UK spokeswoman Gabby Ulrich said: “The finding was expected given the groundswell of opinion consistently voiced from the terraces. And the fans were right about referees ‘blowing the whistle’ too, as our findings were that 15% of referees are gay, around 5% higher than the general population.”
Ms Ulrich cautioned that the collective wisdom of fans was not always so accurate: “The claims that 1,000s of fans have actually slept with Posh Spice were found to have been over-reported by almost 30%, and could invalidate the preliminary finding that she ‘takes it up the ass’. And repeated suggestions that players were ‘playing like a girl’ also missed the mark, with rates of transvestism only slightly higher than normal, and still well below Tory MPs.”