With science now saying that the gap between male and female life expectancy could drop to zero by 2030, men everywhere are heralding a new golden age of tuning-out their loathsome, nauseating wives.
Average, everyday man, Dave Wilkins, said earlier this week “Up until recently, I used to pull my hair out in a fit of blind exasperation every time my wife asked me to get a spider out of the house and then shout at me for killing it, but now, through the power of enhanced meditation, and strong Belgian lager, her words seem to just dissipate into serene nothingness as soon as they leave her mouth”.
Average, everyday man, Dave Thompson, said “it’s bloody brilliant, last night I went out after work with the lads and met a cracking skank with a phenomenal pair of bangers. To cut a long story short, I smashed the granny out of her in the disabled loo and then got a cab home. When I got into bed, the wife started screaming at me about something or another, but all I could hear was Don’t Worry be Happy by Bobby McFarrin”.
Men’s joy, however, is expected to be short-lived as Women everywhere have been scrambling to enrol in advanced infuriation courses, ranging from enhanced banshee wailing to Shaolin eye-gouging. Paradoxical interrogation courses are already over-subscribed.