Chemistry joke of the day:
How many moles in a mole of guacamole?
Jokes that require a little thought
(86 posts) (32 voices)
Chemistry joke of the day:
Just got Rick's joke.
How thick am I.
(Do not answer that.)
Knew the French one already but only just got nick's second offering. Brillig!
I always thought there was only one chemistry joke:
A cloud of helium goes into a pub. The barman says 'We don't serve noble gases in here.' The helium doesn't react.
There is even a microbiology joke.
How do you tell the sex of chromosome?
Take down it's genes.
Two hydrogen atoms in a bar.
Atom1: Oh no, I’ve just lost an electron!
Atom2: Are you sure?
Atom1: Yes, I’m positive.
Guilty as charged.
Oxy. There's always this old Chemistry gag, very similar to yours.
"I went to a party dressed as sodium chloride. Someone threw sulphuric acid over me. I didn't know how to react."
Despite my comment about thinking jokes not working too well for stand up, here is one that has done very well in the past.
"Should we encourage Pandora to take the money?"
Ref Golgo 13
Why did the chicken wait for a vehicle?
It was playing at 'chicken'.
Most road crossing jokes were intended to be two dimensional, witness hedgehog, JFK, the bishop of bath, Jesus, Emily Bronte, Darwin and so on.
The notable exception that I am aware of is "Why did Chris Rea cross the road?....... To get to the middle."
Entropy - it's not what it used to be.
Exit signs, they are on the way out.
There's even a combined sound engineer/palaeontologist joke:
Palaeontologist: "I have the only existing audio recording of the wooly mammoth's mating cry."
Sound engineer: "Really? What was it mastered on?"
Had a good conversation with a french kitten the other day. I do like a little chat.
Rickwestwell, that is priceless. But never thought of the chicken joke that way... amazing!
I like thinking jokes, they are often the most satisfying to get, but I often find that a good pun is its own reword.
Pronunciation based jokes are often a good example of the 'time to think' jokes. Example:
I know the crossword compiler was definitely an angry Irishman. The first four clues were:
Whale, beef, oil, hooked
But not in that order...
@ Weematt. You can't have the actual punchline keyword in your set up line.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
Nope, still not funny...
I like Golgo, and I like weematt, but which is best?
Only one way to find out....
I was thinking you could have a series of form-subverting meta jokes that use the punchline in the set-up of well-known jokes for a kind of reverse comic effect - jokes that require no thought, if you like.
Eg what's yellow and has sharks in it? (shark-infested custard)
A horse with a long face walks into a bar. Barman says "why the long face?"
A man walks into an iron bar and says 'ouch'.
Meanwhile, down in the gutter:
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he still had his knob up the chicken.
What do you call a black guy flying a plane ?
........ A pilot you fucking racist.
Some wordplay jokes work better when spoken than when written down.
For example there's an old chestnut about 3 pieces of string going into a bar etc etc barman refuses to serve said string etc etc last piece of string is all tatty and unkempt with a large lump in the middle and barman says 'I'm not serving you, you're a piece of string' and the piece of string says 'No, I'm afraid not'.
What have oranges and lemons got in common?
Neither of them can drive tractors.
My favourite ever Scottish jokes (may require some thought from the non-Scots):
There are 10 cows in a field. Which one is on holiday?
The one with the wee calf.
Which of those 10 cows has oil in its udders?
I have a whole host of Scottish jokes, but all would require google translate.
I still don't think I get the French Naval Academy one.
HP: A l'eau, c'est l'heure
what sort of detective are you, anyway ?
A white horse, widely known as Dobbin, went into a pub and ordered a whisky.
Fortunately he favoured single malts.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
ba dum tish.
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