An enterprising communications company has introduced a new phone service, aimed at those who never receive ‘real calls’ on their landlines, only automated ones.
HassleComs International has launched the service, it says, because it became aware that a growing number of phone customers suffer the disappointment of only ever receiving recorded cold calls on their home phones.
Pensioner Mrs Deirdre Dawson is a typical sufferer.
‘I rushed to the phone,’ she complained, ‘only to find, it wasn’t my daughter on the line, just another man insisting I should put in a claim for my recent car accident. I don’t even drive.’
The self-employed, working from home, are another group who find the frequent interruptions exasperating.
‘How am I expected to get this press release on drains decommissioning finished,’ freelance writer Lance Coleman raged, ‘when I’m being constantly interrupted by silver-tongued robots calling to tell me I'm eligable for free loft insulation?’
The new service aims to alleviate such feelings of frustration and annoyance.
After an introduction, in which a caramel-voiced actor says, ‘He-llo. Our records show you have failed to speak to any actual people on your landline phone for the last six months,’ the service offers the bill-payer a choice of three options.
‘Press one to speak to another automated voice who will engage you in a realistic conversation about The Voice and Teresa May. Press two to tell me to ‘Sod off. I’m in the middle of my dinner.' Press three to be transferred straight to the Samaritans for urgent anger-management advice.’