Millions of Britons awoke to the news, this morning, that science had finally made itself useful and invented some really cool shit.
Researchers at Dundee university have created a machine that uses ultrasound to lift and rotate a deep-fried rubber disc in a cylinder of water.
Sadly, what started off as a frenzied morning of exciting, bacon-fuelled anticipation, soon turned to melanchinoc envy and a feeling of emptiness, as scientists declared "there's no way you're having a go of our sonic screwdriver".
Surgeons have traditionally used ultrasound to treat a range of conditions without having to disembowel patients. However, this is believed to be the first time that ultrasound has been used so do something seriously wicked.
Researchers at the university are now planning an enhanced experiment with the device, which is thought to involve getting a shit load of female med students drunk and sticking them in the university swimming baths with the machine, some bubbles and a huge sponge.