In a dramatic development to the on-going row over ownership of the Falkland Islands, the British Government has offered a sovereignty swop deal - the Falklands for Lionel Messi.
A source close to the government confided;
"Since nobody in England speaks Spanish at all, we've drawn up some pictures and helpful arrows. Hopefully our message will come through loud and clear. We're confident of getting our man."
The source continued "Prior to oil being discovered, we privately would have settled for some beef, the commercial rights to Evita and a dozen Tango lessons. But the discovery of natural resources has upped the 'beef stakes' no pun intended."
If a deal can be reached, it would allow Messi to potentially be included in the England squad for Euro 2012. Messi, whose hidden talents include a typing speed of 34 words per minute and knowing both sexual positons (in and out), currently stars at 'football' for both Barcelona Rovers and Argentina.
It's thought a delegation from the UK, including Gerry Adams MP, Jespar Carrott and a red telephone box, will tunnel its way to Buenos Aires on Thursday to continue negotiations.
There was no comment from the Argentine Government as it's expensive to call Argentina from our offices and after several attempts, none of us could get past the gatekeeper.