The Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced that, in a move to keep costs down, UK (plc) will outsource the Monarchy from April 2013. A family has been chosen in China to take the role from The Windsor Family (ltd).
It is estimated that the current ‘royal franchisee’ costs the UK taxpayer 62p per person per year, however in a deal agreed with the Zhang family, they will take on the duties for 12p per person annually.
Mrs Zhang, the new Queen and her husband, The Duke of Edin-Beijing, moved into their new state residence yesterday. The Semi-Detached, 2 bedroom sweat-shop comes complete with cream carpets, floral wallpaper, and potpourri in the toilets. But questions have been asked about the suitability of Mr Zhang for his new role after he was over heard saying ‘oh my God, this place looks like it was decorated by an Englishman.’ He has also asked if he could see Pippa Middleton’s arse ‘by royal appointment.’
The new Royal Family will attend a week long intensive course to learn all of the duties of the current family. ‘One of the first tasks of the new Queen will be the state opening of parliament’ John Bercow, Speaker of the house of commons told us. ‘Traditionally the ruling monarch is present at the ceremony, but to keep costs down Mrs Zhang will perform her responsibilities via a laptop and Skype.’ As the Zhang family are not Christians and therefore do not celebrate Christmas, the BBC have announced the Queen’s speech will be delivered by Louie Spence
The move has been criticised by many groups including the tourist board, however George Osborne has said that ‘although there will inevitably by a drop in tourists, this will be offset by reduced cost price of souvenirs’. He explained ‘not only will they use their image to sell cheap tat, but the chances are they will be making it as well.’
The current Royal Family have been told they will be integrated back into society over the next year. Prince William will continue his career with the RAF, Prince Harry will push for promotion within the Army, and Prince Charles has been promised an apprenticeship with Holland and Barrett. Although the Queen is expected to take her state pension and go into retirement, Prince Phillip is believed to be considering a career in politics, taking on Nick Griffin as leader of the BNP.