In what is seen as a 'big blow' for celebrity watchers, The Right Reverend Geoffrey Turnbull, Bishop of Norwich, and former Hollyoaks actress Gemma Waterson have announced that their relationship has ended. According to Waterson's agent, the couple had endured too many ups and downs but simply could not stick things out any longer.
A source close to Turnbull said that Waterson was suffering from emotional problems and he didn't want to give her one more by commenting in public. 'She has many knockers but Geoffrey won't be one of them. In fact, when two intrusive journalists pushed him too hard on the subject, he knocked one out'.
According to Waterson's friends, however, she had frequently been up all night with worry about Turnbull's eccentric behaviour. It is alleged that he was recently abusive to Waterson when retrieving a prize winning Rhode Island Red rooster from the jaws of her pet cat, which had just chased it into a river at the bird sanctuary she runs in Devon.
'He was screaming as he pulled his throbbing red cock from out of her wet pussy,' said Charlotte Brown, an assistant at the sanctuary. 'There were boobies and great tits banging about all the over place. Then they all calmed down, went upstairs and had sex.'
Unfortunately, Turnbull came home drunk later that night while Waterson was trying to sleep, kicked her back doors in and left a terrible mess in the back passage. As a result, he is under arrest on suspicion of sexual assault and the split is permanent. AND the one in their relationship.
Hello! magazine editor Rosie Nixon said that this was the worst news she had heard since the much loved comedy trio James Price, Hamish MacDougall and Paddy Murphy stopped going into pubs together after they realised that they were broadly similar in terms of intelligence and generosity.
[Hat tip to VCG. From original by vens123]