Professional Footballers Union seeks more inclusive approach
The professional footballers association has announced an extension to its pledges to counter claims from professional footballers that the union is not representative or inclusive enough of its members.
New pledges include;
The assumption that any footballer who is found reading a copy of the Guardian is hetrosexually challenged
that badge kissing is totally separate from any successful contract extension / near future transfer request
Feigning injury is deemed a professional act as is being incensed if any union member not on your team does the same
Outside of marriage, only drunken teenage girls maybe be 'seduced'. Intercourse can only take place if at least one fellow Union member has either has sex with her whilst you were witnessing or is prepared to film the event.
There could be no agreement on what was unacceptable whilst married.
Union members are encouraged to make rash and unintelligent statements on Twitter to increase the chances on them reducing future prison sentences on appeal on the grounds of diminished responsibility.