Here's one I tossed off earlier:
Actress still not on speaking terms with Bishop
Hopes of a rapprochement between the worlds of religion and entertainment were dashed last night after the Actress announced a formal cessation of goodwill with the Bishop.
Relations between the two had been apparently improving in recent months. While visiting the cathedral the Actress was thrilled to pound away on the Bishop's enormous organ after choir practice, and was even invited to campanology sessions in the tower, where she reportedly had an amazing time pulling on the Bishop's huge glistening bell-end.
From the Bishop's point of view, the Actress proved a charming companion in rehearsals for the 'Famous Five' musical at the Theatre Royal. Backstage she showed him her Fanny, oozing with charm, and he discovered the joys of playing with Dick.
It was reportedly only when the Bishop suggested they get naked together and have sex that the friendship began to sour, with the Actress questioning whether the aged primate would even be able to achieve a semi erection, and stating that even if such a thing were possible, the resultant tumescence would be unlikely to touch the sides of her merely averagely-sized vagina.
The Bishop is reported to have opined that if there were to be any lack in stimulation during the sexual act, it would be more likely due to the large number of previous partners the Actress was said to have enjoyed, with the resultant effect of stretching her copulative organ.
The Actress declined to continue the argument after realising that they were disturbing several other customers of the pub they were visiting, including an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman who were in the middle of an interesting discussion on the potential impact of Scottish devolution on the European sovereign debt crisis.