Finally, after years of abuse and homophobic vilification, the gay community has announced it now has greater numbers than hardcore Christians in the UK, and plans to begin an ironic retaliation campaign of petty 'theophobic' hatred towards intolerant religious movements.
A recent Anglican movement's advertisement, suggesting they could 'cure people of being gay', is set to be countered with an advert apologising that regrettably the same is not true of intolerant Christians. "Unfortunately doctors are currently unable to implement the necessary IQ increase required to cure intolerant religious types, but if you let us tug your ears, we might manage a slight broadening of the mind," is the suggested slogan, to be printed across several buses, hoping that they all turn up at once, in the right order.
Whilst homophobic Christians have often traduced the gay lifestyle as "it does not promote the typical Christian family environment", theophobic homosexuals say that stringent Christian homophobic views cannot promote a thriving gay community, and that religion should therefore be considered as 'so last millennium'.
"It is incredulous in today's society that bigoted Christians can continue to reveal themselves in public, preaching all sorts of untenable nonsense, when the socially accepted norm of homosexuality just does not allow for such ridiculous beliefs", laughs self-styled 'Cardanal of the Gay Rights Society', Bryan Johnson. "We naturally believe that any Christians sinning by virtue of a homophobic mentality will be going straight to Brighton for eternal 'suffering' and dogging," he joked, doing an unprintable action to support his point.
Of the new movement, he said, "This is what is described as a paradigm shaft; taking stance at a completely different angle, in this case, often from behind. It's time narrow-minded and prejudiced Christians were given a taste of their own medicine. Of course we feel sorry for the civil and tolerant majority, but it would be missing a satisfyingly ironic opportunity if we didn't target the embarrassing ones, at least for a little bit."
The Pope, who has recently discovered the definition of the word irony, commented that the gay community should take a leaf from the Christian way of life and openly embrace others' beliefs, even if it goes against their own dogma. Gay rights campaigners have since labelled him the Hypopecrit.