Next Tuesday will be forever etched in your memory for what will become known simply as "The Talcum Powder Incident".
You hold a party this month to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of your restraining order preventing you entering any branch of Lidl's.
That will sting. No really, put it under cold running water for ten minutes.
This Wednesday, something really exciting will happen at around 3.15pm. I don't want to say too much, but you will like it. Just make sure you have some wet wipes to hand.
Next Saturday morning you come close to completing your collection of Rick Astley records. However, a pensioner elbows you out of the way at the car boot sale and gets to the 12" single of 'Together Forever' before you.
On the 9th, Jupiter enters your third house and nicks all the biscuits.
A full moon on Thursday reminds you to buy a new belt for your jeans.
Your game of going into the local toy shop and arranging the magnetic letters to spell out swear words is finally stopped when they put a new CCTV camera nearby.
On the 22nd, you discover you are actually allergic to Swindon.
A quiet month for you really. Sorry!
On the 31st, your lottery numbers finally come up. Sadly for you, there are only 30 days in April. Just your luck eh!
The office air conditioning system breaks down again and the engineer reports that this has been caused by someone breaking wind near the air intake. You avoid eye contact and work out what else you can do to pep up your lunchtimes.