As the relentless media frenzy continues as the 100 year anniversary of the sinking of the RMS Titanic looms into view, a triumphant Nick Clegg announced last night that the Government had reached agreement with the nation’s media that they will never mention the Titanic again after 14th April.
'We are aware that we things are tough at the moment,’ said the deputy Prime Minister, ‘so it is especially pleasing that we can announce for the first time in a century that, after this Saturday, there will be a complete embargo on any further references to the Titanic. I am certain that this news will come as a great relief and demonstrates our commitment to the population by protecting them from the flood of clichés from Newspapers, TV and Radio. Not only that, but at a stroke we have guaranteed that there will be never be any repeats of ‘Titanic with Len Goodman’.’
Whilst the Coalition Government have acclaimed the agreement as a major breakthrough, critics have suggested that the embargo, unlike the unfortunate White Star liner, will not hold water. ‘We see this as yet another shameless publicity stunt,’ said Maria Eagle, Labour's transport spokesman. ‘The Titanic story has always been front page news and we’re sure the media have no intention of ever letting the story quietly sink from publicity. Whilst they may appear to be keeping to their promise, you can bet your bottom dollar that there will always be a vast amount going on below the surface.’
‘And whilst it would be churlish to remind everyone that the original disaster happened under a Liberal Government,’ continued Ms Eagle icily, ‘we have to point out that Mr Clegg’s enthusiasm for the ban is mainly so he can avoid seeing the words ‘Clegg’, ‘deckchairs’, ‘Liberal Democrats’ and ‘Titanic’ used in the same sentence.’