America is to pass more laws encouraging random firearm incidents among members of the public, in order to 'ensure the country doesn't become gay'.
"For hundreds of years Americans have enjoyed legal freedoms to use firearms that other countries would view as being totally insane" Yelled Chuck Charlton, a concerned citizen, who thinks that Obama is a country in the Middle East.
"As the law stands now, if I wasn't happy with a cup of coffee from Starbucks, I'd be within my rights to shoot the server in the head a few times, and then get off without being charged under the 'aggravated citizenship law', and praise Jesus that I can. It's how freedom works."
The new laws are being urged in a recent slump of anger driven homicides in the U.S.A. as more citizens have resorted to resolving their disputes through conversation, much to the horror of Fox News anchors, who have sparked a widespread panic that America is 'being girly', and have reminded their viewers that 'The Wild West wasn't won without a hell of a lot of shooting'.
"I just loving shooting stuff, and people." Said Chuck. "And if I have to shoot everyone I see just to keep my nieghbourhood safe, then so be it. Obviously I just try to shoot the really suspicious looking people, like terrorists, and those who are buying an iced drink on a cold day, and people who have parked badly."