After a whirlwind romance, 45 year-old Daphne Haynes is set to become the first woman to marry her iPhone 4.
"Dashing good looks and a drawsome personality meant it was love at first sight. I couldn't sleep for more than 15 minutes without waking for a quick fiddle and stroke of the screen, and when it vibrated to give me a short message I just couldn't resist" gushed Daphne.
Daphne's estranged husband Andy remained sanguine "After the first few nights of her romance I decided to sleep in the spare room, after all the constant fiddling and stroking meant that I couldn't sleep, and with that bloody phone getting all her attention it was either me or it. The only time I got a look-in was when the battery died, which to be fair was about every 45 minutes, but I know where her true affections lie."
An ebulient Daphne is looking forward to the big day "Siri is organising everything including the quickie divorce from Andy, whoever he is. The guests who live miles away are joining via Facetime. Nothing could go wrong and we'll have a wonderful life together forever. What do you mean, there's an iPhone 5 due out in the summer?"