In a controversial judgement, the Supreme Court has ruled that under the Human Rights Act a man universally regarded as a bit of a c*** cannot be extradited from the UK.
The man, known only as Mr XY, claims to be a Catholic Muslim, effectively a death sentence anywhere in his home country, though opponents say he only adopted both religions after arriving in Britain, demonstrating his c***ishness.
Mr XY originally fled to the UK as one of the few countries which has no general anti-c*** legislation. Although his threesome with the Chief Bridesmaid and Best Man on the eve of his wedding of convenience was overlooked, he established himself as a bit of a c*** by saying the bride’s bum looked big in her wedding dress and was run out of town.
For a while XY tried to be a good citizen but was soon sacked as a classroom assistant for telling children the Easter Bunny didn’t exist and expelled from the golf club for wearing non-tailored shorts with short socks. Going for a drive to reflect on his treatment, he travelled all round the M25 doing no more than 59 mph in the outside lane.
At the supermarket XY would park across two disabled bays, queue-jump, present a series of out of date vouchers at the checkout and then give his trolley to another customer for £1, having left a washer in the coin slot.
Despite writing in library books and farting silently during prayers he was never sufficiently c***ish to trigger legal proceedings, until one day when at the end of a long drinking session he claimed to have no cash to buy his round. XY’s case rapidly progressed through the courts via a series of appeals, culminating in today’s announcement.
But hope is at hand after revelations that when visiting America’s Deep South last year he mocked the Flag, apple pie and aspects of protestant fundamentalism. His claim that he was only being a bit of a card was rejected, eccentricity not being an admissible defence in any state that retains the death sentence.
He sealed his fate last week by using a banned online gambling site via a US server and now faces 20 years inside without remission. The UK Supreme Court says it is powerless to resist XY’s extradition, and anyway a c*** like that deserves all he gets.