Reading the Daily Mail 'There are downsides to looking this pretty' article by Samantha Brick a few days ago, my first thought was ‘this has to be a joke.’ A late April Fool prank. And a damn good one at that.
The truth is I would rather not give this irritating and attention-seeking woman the publicity she so desperately craves. But I am incredulous and feel I have to say so.
Brace yourselves. Ms Brick’s article starts: ‘On a recent flight to New York, I was delighted when a stewardess came over and gave me a bottle of champagne.
‘This is from the captain – he wants to welcome you on board and hopes you have a great flight today,’ she explained.
You’re probably thinking ‘what a lovely surprise’. But while it was lovely, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, not for me.’
First of all, I smell smoke and think someone’s pants might be on fire. I don’t believe her. The only way this happened is if the captain was an old friend or family acquaintance. Or he had s**t in his eyes (it did later transpire that he landed his Boeing on the M4…). There is always the chance, of course, that it was some Air Miles reward scheme and the gift was pre-paid for. Alternatively, if, by some slim, against-all-odds chance, this scenario did transpire and the captain was a complete stranger, then boo-fricking-hoo. It would’ve been one of those weird, one-off things and something to laugh about later.
I do understand what Ms Brick is saying. Of course women can be jealous and vindictive. There are times when they can dislike other women before they have even met them just because they have better hair, the newest Prada handbag or garner more male attention. But I highly doubt Ms Brick’s claim that she has been vilified by her own gender due to her ‘lovely looks’. As for men, we all know they can be dogs. I know perfectly well that some male attention can feel like pestering and can be rather annoying. Most women have felt harassed and wanted nothing more than to be left alone by overly-amorous leering, won’t-take-no-for-an-answer f***wits – but ‘don’t look a gift horse in the mouth’ springs to mind. I’m not being envious when I point this out – but Ms Brick should just be thankful for any attention from the opposite sex that she gets.
Ms Brick says: ‘Even bar tenders frequently shoo my credit card away when I try to settle my bill.’ Really? Bartenders today must be rolling in it! Of course random men buy women drinks. Some may even stretch to other gifts like flowers, chocolates or dinner. But train tickets, taxi fares and everyday bills???
Bullsh**t. I simply do not believe her.
I have mulled over the possibility that Samantha Brick is/was an escort. Perhaps she has been given gifts and preferential treatment by men she doesn’t know. And maybe these same men have paid her for the privilege.
I thought the online articles would be the end of it. But it was just the beginning. Watching This Morning I was a little bit sick in my mouth. There was Samantha Brick talking to Ruth and Eamonn about how she’s been sooo misunderstood. Apparently the article was supposed to be quite ‘tongue in cheek.’ You may want to tape the definition of that to your fridge, Sam.
After sifting through the articles, watching the TV debacle and enduring the repetitive drone that is Ms Brick’s style, I have reached my conclusion. Samantha Brick is deluded, a PR extraordinaire or both. After all, how many people knew her name before this whole ‘I’m too pretty for my own good’ palava??? Or is this whole episode some sort of social experiment – are the comments being assessed for gender-based responses perhaps?
Ms Brick says she wrote the article because a woman she knows ignored her. Did this woman fail to see her (maybe she was blinded by Samantha’s effervescence) or maybe the woman in question just does not like her.
Following the explosive backlash Ms Brick said: ‘This whole experience has proven my thesis.' Erhh. What thesis would that be then? That if you make ludicrous claims in a national newspaper there will be some sort of reaction?
I don’t want to be accused of jealousy here (god forbid I set feminism back a few years) but I have some advice: far from not liking you because of your (mediocre) looks, Samantha, have you ever entertained the possibility that people might dislike you because of your sh**ty attitude?
Here’s a small selection of some of the comments:
Frankie Boyle joked: ‘I’d come on Samantha Brick’s face just to cover it up.’(at least, I think it was a joke…)
Dom Joly said: ‘I have just filed for divorce and put my kids up for adoption. The reason? The vain hope that I might one day meet Samantha Brick.’
Damian Wanstall, Brighton, echoes the general view of the Great British public. He said: ‘Dear DM, sorry but you have obviously printed the wrong pictures for this article. Please can you amend this immediately and upload the pictures of the beautiful woman this article refers to.’
Mid-way through writing this polemic it has come to my attention that I have actually read some of Samantha Brick’s work before – unbeknownst to me. She wrote an article for The Sun recently entitled ‘Do French mums know best? Non’. In it, she comes out with this gem:
‘The truth is, French women are vain, shallow and think of themselves first.’ Oh dear, I do hope I’m not the only one who can see the irony here.
Samantha, who has previously admitted in an article that she ‘once phoned a psychic to ask what colour to decorate her hallway’, used to be a size 16. Now, I’m not a mental health professional, but I would like to venture a guess: after years of feeling insecure about her looks Ms Brick decided to undergo intensive confidence-building hypnosis and has adopted a ‘feel good’ mantra. And it’s worked.
As a final note I would just like to say: Good Luck, Samantha. I hope someone is kind enough to pay for your return ticket to France.