Readers of UK newspaper The Guardian were left reeling this weekend after the former broadsheet switched allegiance from Labour, to Liberal Democrat, through to 'potentially Conservative with a hint of Lib Dem' and now, in a shock move, to fascist National Front splinter group, the British National Party.
Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger has said, 'One minute we were happily plodding along as a centre-left middle-class newspaper, then all the election stuff kicked off. We knew we were on dodgy ground with Gordon Brown the moment he took over the Labour leadership, but we stuck it out until we had no other choice. We agreed to announce a general move towards Liberalism in a staff meeting earlier in the year but, once we started moving, the change just seems to have kept up momentum. The more we read about right-wing politics the angrier we got about the whole way of life in Britain. Many of our staff members have now shaved their heads, some have obtained some fairly outrageous piercings and tattoos and I'm fully expecting to update our clothing policy to mandate a white-hooded-gown within the next week.'
Once it hits far-right extremism, the newspaper will have nowhere to go without inventing it's own, even more extreme views. Rusbridger believes that, due to a lack of innovation and independent thought from staff, this will be the turning point and that the paper will bounce back and likely settle centre left again, possibly after several swings back and forth across the political spectrum.
'We're not known for being a heady and outspoken newspaper,' he said, 'so I really don't think we can carry off the whole KKK thing for very long. We even misspelled it as KFC in a very recent issue and had a wide range of bizarre incidents with readers visiting fast food outlets and attacking their typically pan-european staff. The letters we had were full of references to giving the employees a good 'finger licking' and some raging about 'keeping KFC British' -- a touch ironic for the American firm, as chicken deep-fried in a spicy-herb batter was actually an invention of African slaves working on southern US plantations.'
Faithful readers of the newspaper have typically taken the changes on board but, with such a rapid swing, some are struggling to keep up. 'I really don't know if I've merely become moderately intolerant or whether I find immigrants totally objectionable and need to carry a spiked club with me at all times,' said one confused reader from Banbury.
'I was strolling down Windsor Street and happened past a friendly looking chap, speaking Polish very loudly into a mobile phone,' he continued. 'A few weeks ago I would have cheerily smiled at him and carried on, safe in the knowledge that his European citizenship afforded him free reign to work legally in any EU country, just as it does for myself. This time, however, I stopped and thought very seriously about thumping him around his temples with his bloody phone and then shoving it down his throat, but I've not been doing this for very long and couldn't decide if that was too moderate or too extreme -- I really don't know what he thought of me when I pancked and blurted out 'Oi, paki!' at him instead.'